Laundry Day

I don't know about anybody else, but every day is laundry day at this house.  I know that there are only two of us, but I have a man that gets very dirty on a daily basis.  And, it is absolutely impossible to do more than two loads on any given day.  You may ask why this is so......  Well, let me make y'all feel a lot better about your own dirty clothes basket calling your name.......  Here is a sample laundry day......

Let me start by saying that my washing machine is Italian, and everything written on it is in Italian.  This is okay.  I can figure that out.  Just add a syllable or two to the English word and delicate becomes delicato and rinse becomes risciacqui.  What is not okay is that, being Italian and all, my washing machine came complete with a Mediterranean mentality.....aka take your time.  The absolute fastest I can get a load done is 2.5 hours.  Yes, that is correct, my fastest wash cycle is two-and-a-half-hours long.  You may be thinking that those clothes must be getting really clean in there!  However, they often come out slick with soap and frothing in my hands with unrinsed bubbles.  You can almost hear the machine saying "Domani" (in Italian) or "Avrio" (because it has picked up Greek as well.)  This meaning "tomorrow"....when absolutely everything under the sun is due to happen around here.  Even the washing machine has picked up on the fact that the answer to anything you don't really want to do today can (may) happen  "tomorrow."

Also, the 2.5 hours is a good day.  I have been known (on many more than one occasion) to put a load in around 1pm, only to hear something around 9pm and think "that cannot still be the washer can it?"  A glance in the bathroom (where the washer lives) confirms that yes, in fact, the washing machine has deemed this load especially dirty and is going on its 8th hour of cleaning.  


So, let me just show you exactly what happens on a good day in laundry land.

After the normal sorting out and stuffing in process happens, the first thing I do is spit all over my fingers.

Don't you????

This is a VERY necessary step.  I can assure you of that, as I learned the hard way.  Before closing the door to the washing machine, I have to spit on my fingers, and then rub it all over the rubber seal.

The spit is used as a lubricant to help the door slide smoothly over the rubber seal.  If I miss this crucial step, the seal will get shoved into the machine when I slam the door, thereby causing ALL of the water from the machine to run ALL over the house.  I know this for a fact.

So, door closed, detergent in, buttons pushed, I leave it alone and wait....and wait.

If I happen to be on the computer I know when it gets close to time to go see what is happening, because my computer backs up to the same wall as the washing machine.  If anyone wants to toss that bag of cookies you just ate, just try and look at our computer screen during the spin cycle.

So, when the cycle at last should be finished, here is what I do.  Go in and turn off the machine.  Then, I give this baby a couple of hard kicks.

What, may you ask, is that?  That is our little contraption that connects the drainage device from the washing machine to an extension tube that runs all of the washer water out to our backyard.  Were we to let the washer drain normally into our sewer, it would have to be emptied daily instead of weekly (an exaggeration, I admit, but not a gross one.)

Then, I take my happy self out to the backyard and shake around this guy.

This is the other end of that same green tube from the bathroom.  I have to throw it around pretty rough.  I am doing all of this because the machine does not drain on its own.  I have to work out (kick out and toss out) all of the little kinks in the system.  It is also good to move the tube around so that it drains into different places and we don't get random tourists showing up to water-ski in our backyard.

Christos likes to try and be sneaky and stick the hose through the fence into the neighbor's garden.

They do not like that.  I would not either, because this is what they are growing there.

At least it gives us (me) something pretty to look at while I violently shake around the little green tube, audibly pleading for it to "please drain."

So, after I throw around the tube, I truck back inside (leaving a trail of wet grass and mud and water throughout the house...often blue or red tinged depending on what has been washing....) and give a few more hard kicks to our friend in the bathroom.

(On ((thankfully)) rare occasions I actually have to bring the mop bucket in, unscrew the little orange things from each other, drain the water into the bucket, and manually dump it outside.)

Then I push start on the washing machine and listen to hear water rush out of the machine.  No water.  Turn  off machine.  Wait.  Turn on again.  Wait for water sound.  No water.  Usually after about 4 tries I hear the sweet sound of water rushing out of the back of the washer, passing the tubes, through the wall, and into my vegetable garden.

Do you think it is bad to eat the things watered with a bleach/detergent/lint rinse?  It makes it much easier for me to not have to remember to water every day, the plant leaves are not just green but a beautiful array of all the colors of the rainbow, and my tomatoes are even more tasty than the ones at the store.**

So, at last the clothes are clean (maybe a little soapy, but clean).

Into the basket they go, and out we go again.

This is because here we hang-dry.....everything.

I have to admit something which may seem strange to some.  I had never (at all) had the experience of hanging anything outside to dry.  All the neighborhoods I have lived in have covenants against hanging clotheslines in the yard.  The only memory I have of anyone I know using a clothesline is my grandmother occasionally hanging her sheets over our badminton "net" (or did we play badminton over her sheet-hanging line?) because she likes her sheets to have that "dried in the sunshine" smell.

I also have to say that I don't really understand that common affinity for the "dried in the sunshine" smell.  To me, it does not really smell bad, but it just smells like outside.  Also, things dried outside are scratchier and do not get that added dryer benefit of wrinkle releasement.

Anyway, it most certainly saves on our power bill and I realize that it is much better for the world around us.  And, it does give me a sort of satisfaction to watch them dry au naturale under the sun.

I do, however, refuse to dry my panties in the front yard for all the world to see (though nobody else around these parts is ashamed to wave their knickers at the entire free world.)

A good laundry day also involves me actually remembering to take the clothes off the line once they are dry....before a rain comes along.  I cannot tell you how many times I have awoken to pounding rain, only to remember my poor, abandoned clothes hanging helplessly outside, warranting another day (at least) on the line. 

And, on a good day, this won't happen to your freshly laundered bedsheets.

Remember our houseguests?  Well, just because we built them an awesome balcony does not mean they are above vandalizing.  Talk about bad company..... 

So, now that I have given you a window into my washing world...............
                               
    (this is actually the view out of my bathroom to the backyard)

                                .......would you like to trade your Maytag for mine?

**This is the only part of the post that is untrue.  I am well aware that you cannot cultivate your cucumbers in a sea of soapy water.  That is not my garden.