When Maria was Born

So, as I said, I have been wanting to get Maria's birth story all written down.  As I start this (who knows how many days it will take to finish as I start and stop at the little lady's whims) it has been about 20 days since she arrived and every detail is still as clear as day.

I was always so curious to see what our story would be...how things would all happen when Maria got ready to make her grand appearance.  Would my water break unexpectedly?  Would I have 2 days of contractions?  I have made my mom tell me the story of the night I was born over and over and over again throughout my life, and I am always so interested in other people's birth stories.  They always seem like such an adventure.  Despite every scenario I imagined and every birth story I read, I never thought it would all happen as it did.  And I cannot imagine it any other way now.

I find myself daydreaming a lot about that night, and the whole thing still fascinates me to no end.  I am so happy to at last know our story, and I cannot wait to share it with Maria someday.

On the morning of Wednesday, February 23, I had a scheduled non-stress test and exam with our midwife at the clinic.  Our appointment was about 10am.  Maria looked safe and happy and healthy hanging out in there, so there was no rush on her part.  I, however, was apparently totally prepared to start labor.  Our midwife said it could be hours or it could be days.  Now, I had already been told repeatedly that she was coming this day or that, and I had totally decided not to hold my breath anymore.  So, I went about my day running errands and such, no more expecting her to come any time soon than I had the week before.

About 4:30 that afternoon I was walking on the treadmill when, out of nowhere, the most breath-taking pain I could have ever imagined shot up the left side of my back.  It was like someone had just ripped open every muscle on my back on that side.  I got off the treadmill and wandered around the house in agony for a few minutes, wondering what had happened.  I was trying not to pass out or throw up (it made me nauseous it was so bad) all the while thinking "did I pull a major muscle?" "did my colon explode?"  Really, I thought it had to be one of those two.

After several minutes, the pain lessened, and I decided maybe I could walk it out.  I got back on the treadmill at 4:44, and after about 4 steps I doubled over with the pain.  From here on out the pain never went away again.  Let it be said, I was 100% confident that I was not in labor.  With all the reading and research I had done, I knew just about every way a contraction could manifest itself, and this was not one.  By now, the pain was not only on the left side of my back, but radiating around to my front really low.  However, my stomach was not at all contracting/ hardening and the pain did not stop and start.  The pain was totally CONSTANT.

Again, I wandered all around my house.  I tried walking, laying, standing, sitting, anything I could imagine.  Finally, at about 5 after 5:00 I called Christos.  I told him that I was not sure what was happening, but he had better come on home.

When he arrived (a ridiculously short amount of time later) I was bent over at the waist with my top half sprawled across our kitchen table.  I stayed that way while he called the doctor.  I kept repeating that he make sure the doctor knew that I did not think I was in labor.  I was so afraid people were going to think I was dumb for mistaking something that was not labor for labor.  The doctor said this could just be a strange start to labor, and we should go ahead to the clinic to get checked out.  So, we both took showers (me with the door open in case I started to pass out and Christos had to come in and catch me) and packed up the last of our bags.

As we were packing and leaving, I fully expected to be back later that evening.  We did it all "just in case."

I was in way too much pain to even consider looking as cute as I had planned to when we went to the clinic.  It was all I could do to put on socks and shoes.  I suddenly, also, felt like we should hurry as, if by chance this was labor, from what I had read, the intensity of the pain and the fact that it was not letting up at all meant I might really be about to HAVE her.  So, I picked up the pace.

We left the house about 20 to 6:00.  Christos kept chatting like normal on the way and I could hardly laugh or talk back at all.  I was hurting, y'all.  And I about had a heart attack when he stopped to get gas.  I did not want to be in that car one second longer than I had to.  The pain continued to be only on the left side of my back and really low in my stomach...and constant.  I kept saying the whole way that I was not in labor, and I felt stupid for going in for a bad back/ stomach ache.  I also kept thinking how much I wished I WAS just having contractions, so at least there would be a break from the pain.

So, we got to the clinic about 6:00 and a nurse and a midwife hooked me up to the same machine from that morning and checked me out.  I was still dialated the same as that morning (barely), and I was not having contractions.  They told me that I was assuredly not in labor.  I was totally exasperated at this point and told them that I KNEW I was not in labor but I was in PAIN.  They acted shocked and said "are you in pain now?" and I said "YES!!!!" and they were surprised because contractions were not showing up on the machine.  That is what I had been saying all along...it was not contractions....it was something different.

So, they called the doctor and updated him.  He told them that it may be my kidneys or something else, and they should observe me for a little while.  So, about 6:30, they gave me a pain-killer suppository and set me up in a hospital room to hang out and rest and they told me they would check on me in 2 hours. 

2 hours later the midwife walked in to find me on all fours on the bed with Christos behind me rubbing my back.  He had spent the majority of the last 2 hours rubbing my back.  That, and helping me back to bed from the bathroom floor.  I made it to the bathroom, but I could not walk back.  Every step I took jarred my back in a way that felt like I was being stabbed.

The midwife looked surprised at a) the seemingly compromising position we were in and b) that I was still in that amount of pain.  I think she expected to see me sitting up in the bed watching reruns of "Happy Days" and eating Skittles.  She and the nurse (who had been checking on me off and on) told me again that I was not in labor.  And I told them again that I was in pain.  This was about 8:30, and we were discussing whether I should stay the night and get monitored and maybe some medicine or if I should head on home to wait it out.

At this point, they called the doctor again and he said he was on his way. 

My doctor walked in the door about 9.  He went straight to my back and jabbed me EXACTLY where the pain was all coming from, and I about flew out of the bed.  He said that it was what he thought, my kidney.

Now, I had heard before that kidney pain is the worst pain that you can ever have.  It is surely the worst pain I have ever had.  The doctor told me that it was way more painful than childbirth, so if I could make it through this that having Maria would not phase me at all.  He also said that he had watched a patient break a bed with his hands from the pain from his kidney.  The midwife said that years ago she, also, had seen a patient snap a bed from the same pain.  Also, my doctor had had a kidney problem about 15  years before, so he totally understood what was happening.  I was glad about that.

Apparently, this is something that occasionally happens to pregnant ladies.  They think the baby was positioned in such a way that she was blocking the pipe that connects my kidney to my bladder and caused a blockage in my kidney.  While this can happen in pregnancy, it is rare that it happens so close to labor.  Earlier in pregnancy, it can be treated, but the same medicine that is used to treat the kidney also thins your blood.  As that would be dangerous with labor probably coming so soon, they could not treat me.

The doctor said that he had a feeling the pain/ trauma would throw me into labor sometime fairly soon, so he wanted to keep me overnight and move me on up to the delivery floor.  He also said that I would need to go on and have an epidural asap, as there was no way I could deal with this pain for so many hours and then go through labor.  I had been absolutely against having any sort of medication during my labor, and he knew that.  But, at that point, I knew he was right.  I could not handle hours more of this and have the energy to have a baby.

The doctor also sat beside me and put his hand on my stomach.  After a couple of minutes he said he could feel small contractions happening.  When I paid attention I realized that I could as well.  I could feel my stomach hardening every once in a while.  It was not at all painful though, and I had to stop to realize them at all.  What was painful was even that small amount of pressure that his fingers were making by resting on my stomach...but only the left side.  Ah, but the pain!!

So, Christos went out to the car to get our "just in case" bags that we had left there because I would have felt stupid traipsing back out to the car again with all our bags.  And I got my "basic nightgown" on.

About 9:30 the nurse, Christos, and I got ready to head up to delivery.  She asked if I could walk and I hesitated.  She then asked if I wanted a wheelchair.  The thought of having to sit still sounded WAY worse than walking, so we headed out.  As I walked down the hall, my water broke.

From there, I became animal Haley.  I cannot believe the way that I acted, but I cannot say I could act any differently if it happened again.  In the delivery room, they wanted to hook me up to a fetal monitor, start an IV, and do a cardiogram on me.  All of these things necessitated me laying on my back and being relatively still.  That I absolutely COULD NOT do.  I wanted to be either standing or on all fours on the bed.  I could not lay on my back.

I know that I was a lot to handle.  They never did do the cardiogram.  The got me hooked up to the fetal monitor and the IV, but they had to constantly tell me to be still and lay down....and I did neither.  I kept standing up, sitting up, turning on my side and climbing all around on the bed.  I just kept thinking "why can I not just be in labor?...labor, I could have handled."  The idea of contractions that came and went sounded like heaven compared to the constant pain.

Throughout this time I was clutching and clawing at Christos, begging him to "Help me."  I also kept saying "I just want to have a baby....I do not want all of this."  Before this all happened, I could have never imagined myself losing control like I did and crawling around and screaming like an animal on the savanna.

So, from about 9:30-10:00 or so, I made the nurse and the midwife work hard for their money.  And, still, all this time, hard contractions were not really registering on the monitor. 

About 10:00, the anesthesiologist showed up and my doctor returned.  They started getting things ready to give me the epidural.  About 10 after 10:00 my doctor checked me and I was dialated to about 3 centimeters. 

For the next 10 minutes, they worked on my epidural.  If you have had one, or watched one, you know that you must be absolutely still while they are administered.  I had a hard time with that.  There were 5 people all trying to keep me calm and still and sitting on the edge of the bed while it was given.

After I hopped back up to stand about 4 times, they finally put Christos on the floor in front of me to focus on and everyone helped me be still and breathe.  Again, crazy Haley was making a real appearance. 

The first epidural did not take at all.  They kept asking me if I felt something warm running down my back, and I kept telling them no.  I am not sure they believed me...but they did it again, and I did feel the warmness.  I never did become numb, though.  I am really glad I did not, finally, as I was happy to feel everything when it came to pushing, but I am not sure why it never took.  I could always feel everything in my legs and everywhere.

So, about 10:20 the epidural was administered and I thought maybe it was helping in my back and my stomach and the anesthesiologist and my doctor left to attend to other matters.  Literally seconds after they walked out, I felt like somebody lit a fire in a circle shape "down below."  I imagined it like those ringed fires at the circus.  This feeling rang a bell from all of those birth stories I had read, but I had no time to think because, immediately after, I got another feeling.

I can only describe the feeling like one of those water-shoot rides at an amusement park.  Except, instead of water and logs it was fire.  And instead of an amusement park it was inside of me.  It was like something was coming down the shoot hard and fast and made of fire.  But, in a strange way, it wasn't that painful.

I looked up at the nurse and the midwife and said "The baby is coming."  They both looked at me tolerantly and said "Of course she is, now just try and relax a little."  I then said, more forcefully, "No, she is coming, I have to push."  Again, they sweetly smiled, I think one of them gently patted me, and said, "Not yet, but it will be soon."  I am not sure what I said then, or how exactly I said it, but it was something along the lines of "I HAVE TO PUSH NOW."  And, apparently I said it with some candor.

What happened next was like a scene on a movie.  The nurse and the midwife were standing on either side of me.  In slow motion almost, they each looked over one leg, and then, slowly, their eyes came up and met each others' and they kinda laughed in astonishment and then the midwife went flying out of the room after the doctor.

Christos also looked down about that time and he saw Maria crowning.

The doctor and anesthesiologist came running in shortly.  Later I was told the midwife chased the doctor down and screamed "Come now, she is having the baby."  And he said "WHO is having the baby????" in total disbelief that it was me.  He delivered Maria wearing his blue jeans.

I had read and read again about having the "urge to push."  I always wondered if that was really real and, if so, if I would have the urge to push....if my body would really know what to do.  Now, I do not claim to know about anybody else, but, at least for me, that was REAL!  When I had to push, absolutely nothing could stop me.  I HAD to push.

I had been told that I would be coached and they would tell me when to push.  It was not like that at all.  I had 5 people around me..Christos, the nurse, the midwife, my doctor, and the anesthesiologist (6 after the pediatrician literally came running, totally out of breath, into the room,) and I was coaching them all.  I would say, okay, I gotta push NOW, and then, okay, I am gonna stop.  As I said, I am so glad the epidural did not really take, because I am so happy that I felt all of that.

It took me about 3 or 4 big pushes...and Christos was holding my head, and my eyes were closed almost the whole time...and then there she was.

Maria was born at 10:30pm.

I never felt her actually come out.  It must have happened really fast.  I don't remember her head or shoulders or anything coming out.  Nobody announced her arrival.  I just happened to open my eyes and look, and there she was at the end of the bed.

All I remember thinking is that she is beautiful, she is pink, and she is blond.  I also did a quick check to make sure she was, in fact, a girl.

And all of the pain was gone.  

They quickly cut her cord and cleaned her nose and mouth, and then whisked her away.  I had not been prepared how things would happen after that.  Nobody handed her to me, or even held her up to show her to me, or even addressed me at all.  It was all very strange and almost dreamlike...like I was disengaged from the whole thing.  And the pain had absolutely totally and completely stopped...all of it.  It was like the moment she came out it all went away.

The pediatrician took Maria away and Christos went with him.  I still had not held or really gotten a chance to look at my baby.  The doctor and the midwife stitched me up....which I also felt every iota of, despite 2 shots to the area.  It is possible that I shouted a bad word at one point...but it was in English so it did not count.

After that, the strangest thing happened.  I was all alone.  For a good little while.  Nobody told me where they went or what was happening, but everyone just went away.  I just kind of laid there...in a daze.

After a while, the midwife and nurse came back in, got me ready, and wheeled me back down to my room.  On the way, we passed a window and as they wheeled me past, they said "There is your baby."  She was in a little room in an incubator.  They did not stop.  And I did not understand.

I had no idea that it was standard procedure to put a baby in an incubator at that clinic.  When I asked when I could AT LAST hold my baby, I was told she had to stay there for 3 hours.  I was not happy!!!!  I may have been a lot to handle in many ways.



The next couple of hours were strange.  I knew I had had a baby.  I knew she was real and healthy and okay, but, as I had not really gotten a chance to look at her or certainly to have her in my arms, it was all like a dream.  I may have also been in lala land a bit from all the pain I had had and the adrenaline and the whole drama and maybe the medication.

The hours passed and at last I got hold my baby in my arms.  And it all became real.

Everyone was talking about how remarkable the delivery was.  I literally went from 3 centimeters dialated to pushing in 10 minutes.  And the pushing took only another couple of minutes.  I am not sure if I ever really felt a contraction at all.  I am not really sure if I was ever in real labor at all, or if my body just suddenly decided it needed baby Maria out....and out she came!

Looking back, despite the awful pain in my back and stomach, it was really all okay.  It happened so fast, and I was not laboring for hours.  The pushing and pain of pushing was not bad at all.  I am actually really happy with the way it all happened.

My doctor told whatever new nurse was on duty the whole story of Maria's arrival every time he came to check on me.  I know he kept telling it too, as when Christos popped by his office to pick up a paper a couple of days later, the receptionist told him she had heard all about our record delivery.  The anesthesiologist literally gave us half off his normal charge (we pay everything cash in hand) because his job was so easy and only lasted a half hour.  My attending nurse said in 20 years of experience she had never seen something like that.  They were all talking about how crazy it was.  After I first delivered, they were all laughing and trying to figure out the word in English for my delivery and came up with "strange" and "express."  They said it was all because I am American.  Ha!

So, that is the story of how Maria made her grand appearance.  She wanted her big day to be something that was really talked about.  And she made that happen.  

And now baby Maria is all we talk about.

And we can have her in our arms whenever we want.  

And we are a family.  And we are happy.